Skip to Content Skip to Navigation

Tony Powers: Music

Etiquette (The Dear Abby Song)

(Tony Powers)
Etiquette (The Dear Abby Song)

If you were the star
Of a porn flick
Fox TV would scream
That you deserve an Oscar
Cause while you butt-fuck
Everybody
They proudly spread K-Y
And if you farted
In an elevator
Most of us would press
The nearest button
But you can crap on
Someone’s country
And the stench gets
Bill O’Reilly high
Help me Dear Abby
What does etiquette dictate
Who cares what fork we use
If there’s no food
Darfur and sweet old N’awlins
Dead Iraqis, dead Marines
You mus’ admit
Dat all of dis shit’s
Just a tad bit rude.
Why everyone knows
If you take a lady's hand
Before she offers it
It’s grabby.
But if you grab a lady’s land
No sirens start to wail
No air horn honks
Dear Abby please
RSVP
Might we discuss this matter
Over tea
Sincerely yours,
Bewildered
In Da Bronx











Etiquette (The Dear Abby Song)

If you were the star
Of a porn flick
Fox TV would scream
That you deserve an Oscar
Cause while you butt-fuck
Everybody
They proudly spread K-Y
And if you farted
In an elevator
Most of us would press
The nearest button
But you can crap on
Someone’s country
And the stench gets
Bill O’Reilly high
Help me Dear Abby
What does etiquette dictate
Who cares what fork we use
If there’s no food
Darfur and sweet old N’awlins
Dead Iraqis, dead Marines
You mus’ admit
Dat all of dis shit’s
Just a tad bit rude.
Why everyone knows
If you take a lady's hand
Before she offers it
It’s grabby.
But if you grab a lady’s land
No sirens start to wail
No air horn honks
Dear Abby please
RSVP
Might we discuss this matter
Over tea
Sincerely yours,
Bewildered
In Da Bronx